Feeling Battered

Had planned quite a few things to get done this week. Catching up more of it, before my trip in a week and a bit.

But this week’s turned me around and pretty much inside out as well.

I’m pretty clear the damage’s been self inflicted although I truly didnt expect this response.

Pent up steam’s only got 1 way to go when its had all it can take. Sky high it is.

I’m pretty shellshocked at the moment. And scarred as well. Heart’s a little battered I think.

Taste of me own medicine? Maybe. And well deserved.

Ever seen a car hurtling downhill, headed for the concrete wall, driver desperately seeing the impending crash but quite powerless… yea, that’s me in the driving seat.

Just like the driver, either I played my cards wrong or hung around too long to get out unscathed.

But my heart’s aching to wonder how she’s doing? The innocent. The loyal. Who just got tired. Tired of being hurt.

I do not fault her in the least. Its all on me. Now how can I soothe her.

Anything, I’m prepared. I think.

History

Messed up years ago. You would’ve thot i’d learned my lesson. Recent events prove I haven’t. I guess I really am meant to be alone. On my own. Coming to terms with that. Pain proves I’m alive, and that it truly is a sacrifice. But, the hurting of a close friend. That’s never ok. And I am gonna try to make it right. Need wisdom.

hgioG

How great is our GOD!

There’s a song being sung around the world, by this title. There are sermons by this title. And we say it often enough, there’s a danger of it being said callously.

And yet.

How GREAT is our GOD!

Received 2 emails today. One in the morning, one almost last thing at night. One from PJ, the other from KK. One from a younger minister, the other from an older minister.

Both – asking for Book of Hope. Awesome. One as he starts out testing the waters, the other making a request for books to kickstart his denomination’s thrust.

And all I can truthfully express is, My God, how great Thou Art!

2008

This year, I’m gonna try to seriously rein my life in. Been allowing the grass to grow under my feet, so to speak, for too long already.

Needing to take back control of my health, my weight amongst others.

Joined a gym. Mulled the idea for quite awhile – held back by finances. But, God is good. Out of the blue was asked if i was keen to ‘take over’ someone’s membership – amazing story, but managed to get it for like a very good deal! Now trying to develop some routines – again. After a long time.

Watching what I eat as well. Incorporating healthier items. Veg, fruit. Self juicing. (But like I told a friend – this is to allow me the liberty to binge when the mood strikes!)

Learning to network a little more nowadays. Wanting to improve in connecting with like-minded ones, to accomplish more for my Master.

And, beginning to cast my eyes on the path a little further down the line. For awhile, just busied myself with the tasks at hand. Now still busy with the same tasks, but allowing myself to dream and visualise what I hope to see unfold.

This blog will document that.